December already?!

I was engrossed with my Korean drama when the bell chime sounded at 12 noon today, which could usually be heard on the beginning of every month. Usually I don't pay much attention to the bell; I just treat it as music to the ears. But when I heard the bell chime today, my heart sank for a moment as it struck me that today is the start of December, and it's ALREADY DECEMBER, the LAST month of 2010!! Seriously WHERE on earth have the past 11 months gone to? Or rather, where have the past 21 years gone to?

The bell chime got me to start thinking about my future. At this moment, fear gripped me. I always feel very scared and would plunge into a panic attack mode whenever I think about the future, but for this time, the feeling was much stronger. I have been asked countless number of times 'What are you going to do when you graduate?', and my answer has always been the same: I don't know. And everytime I answered that, I would feel depressed because it reflects that I have no concrete plans for the future and I am just taking one step at a time. I really hate this uncertainty in me. It's only one month away from the new year, 2011. And in about 6 months' time, I am going to graduate, leave the sheltered environment provided the school and step into the workforce, which I feel that I am still unprepared for. I feel that I am still like a little girl who is ignorant about a lot of things, and I would have to face the society in 6 months time. It's going to be sink or swim for me. The more I delve into thinking about my future, the more emo I got. My whole brain was occupied with negative thoughts worrying about my future.

Then I tried to calm myself down by taking a very deep large breath, and I ask myself, 'Why are you being so pessimistic? It's not like it is the end of the world! (eh 2012?) Life is full of possibilities and there is so much more to discover about life. Some people may have already found their calling in life and what they would like to do in their future, but if I haven't, I should continue to find instead of feeling despair! I should be more brave to face up challenges in the future, and not be scared and hide away from the problems! But if the feeling of uncertainty about the future is bothering me so much, then I should start to take actions (such as START visiting the career centre to seek for help)

Ah ling ah! Please be more confident of yourself! Meanwhile, it's the month of Christmas!! Don't squander the one of your favourite holidays of the year by worrying!